As far as my children are concerned, I Am God.
I know all, I see all, I provide everything, I am always with them, if I speak it gets done and they will never understand how much I love them. That's all any child really understands before anything else. So this kind of thinking has served us well because it's motivation to always be at our best, not just for ourselves but for each other as well. If you ask my children who is God? They will answer one of two ways, sometimes both: themselves and love. It has allowed them to be awesome. They have their moments but its about time for all that awesome to really come out and possibly be tested and this year because my daughter, Divine, started 6th grade.
At first, I was trying to figure out where the time went but the day we walked through her schedule, it really hit me that she had grown up. Sixth grade is when a parent officially has to trust everything you have taught a child to this point. I thought I was going to flip out a little bit but first day of school, Divine hugged me with a big smile and said "I Got This!" The correct and given response of course is "You Go Girl!"
Inside I was more like...Yea, I'm Still Your Mama Though. We are almost 3 weeks in and she is shining, as children do. She's responsible first and Social Butterfly second, doing very well.
But I still have to see everything she doesn't see. Life as an 11 year old has changed and its way scarier than when I was 11. Technology makes it easy for some nasty jerk to hide behind a screen and catfish children into kindnappings and catfishing. There are 8 year old children committing suicide because of bullies. The Bullies have not only made a comeback but taken over. Some children are vicious just for fun and there's an app for it all to be on display for the whole wide world!!
STOP!!
Breathe.
It's harder to deal with when we dwell on all the bad. I may not always be able to swoop in and knock someone out but I can stay up to date and aware of as much as possible. This is the part where "being God" aka 007 kicks in and it starts at home.
The same way I get them to have fun learning is the same way I teach them life skills and get them comfortable to talk about anything.
Being your child's best friend is the best thing you can ever do.
*pause for everyone that just lost their mind and said WHAT!? HELL NO!...that was kinda loud*
As soon as anyone mentions being friends with a child they think the worst and that's because most people are doing it wrong. They miss the whole piece of the pie that says "I Am God" or for the less dramatic "In Control." Children tend to do most of what a parent shows them. So show them what a best friend really is! Best friends are not just fun...they're caring, responsible, well mannered and loyal. Most importantly a best friend accepts them for who they are and encourages them to be the best of themselves. I saw a meme I absolutely love, it said "Be the person you needed when you were a kid." I needed an older best friend. My mom was cool but had a different parenting style so sometimes telling her everything wasn't the move. So with my daughter I've done my best to build an open relationship with a few different things. First, by being translucent so she knows I was actually a small human being with the same issues before she chose me to be her Mom. Ooo Shocker!!
Second, I learned the art of conversation. Children are great at shutting a conversation down in 5 words or less. That is why I make sure I know as much or more than they do, especially about school and ask open ended questions.
It's tough at first but they start to love the attention and if you ask the right questions, eventually they do all the talking. I now call time outs because I need to process!!
Third, with the exception of bad behavior and certain extremes, No Judgement. Try to understand before you criticize. Many times parents forget that kids are trying to figure out the world, themselves, other people and that takes time. We also forget that we don't know what they will remember when they grow up. So if you're always telling them they're not good enough, negatively questioning their every move and focus on the negative things they do...when they grow up its possible they will be on a therapists couch for an hour trying to convince themselves their life is worth something.
Establishing trust and respect like best friends is priceless. My Dad promised me when I was a kid that he would always be my Dad first but we would be best friends as I got older and it is the same promise I made to Divine.
Once I got that down pat I switched to 007 mode for the technology because there's an app for every damn thing. I make sure I have apps and emails for school of course. I check and email at very least once a week.
But Divine is social now so she wants SnapChat, she wants Musicly, she wants Skype...blah blah blah...because all her friends have it. Well, Google is your friend. (or whatever parental control platform you choose) I love Google because it's already default for our phones so everything is linked. Yes of course she has her privacy but at least twice a month...Damn That. She knows that I am capable but she never knows when and the rule is if I ever say hand the phone over, she does so, no questions asked. I also never tell her what I know unless its absolutely needed for her well being.
Too many times I've seen these horrible stories where parents know nothing, the child feels betrayed and the parents thought they knew their child so well but the basic foundation was never there. Or the parents have decided that being best friends with their child includes a complete and utter lack of respect and rules.
If you are one of those "parents", please know that I am one of those parents that happily disciplines other people's children.
As I teach Divine, I will let go and I fully anticipate her figuring out that there are times I knew but let her handle it. But for now she doesn't see "the hand of God" unless its necessary and not until shes a full grown Goddess herself.
That's really the key to it all. My daughter is my best friend and a Goddess, just like her Mom.
I know all, I see all, I provide everything, I am always with them, if I speak it gets done and they will never understand how much I love them. That's all any child really understands before anything else. So this kind of thinking has served us well because it's motivation to always be at our best, not just for ourselves but for each other as well. If you ask my children who is God? They will answer one of two ways, sometimes both: themselves and love. It has allowed them to be awesome. They have their moments but its about time for all that awesome to really come out and possibly be tested and this year because my daughter, Divine, started 6th grade.
At first, I was trying to figure out where the time went but the day we walked through her schedule, it really hit me that she had grown up. Sixth grade is when a parent officially has to trust everything you have taught a child to this point. I thought I was going to flip out a little bit but first day of school, Divine hugged me with a big smile and said "I Got This!" The correct and given response of course is "You Go Girl!"
Inside I was more like...Yea, I'm Still Your Mama Though. We are almost 3 weeks in and she is shining, as children do. She's responsible first and Social Butterfly second, doing very well.
But I still have to see everything she doesn't see. Life as an 11 year old has changed and its way scarier than when I was 11. Technology makes it easy for some nasty jerk to hide behind a screen and catfish children into kindnappings and catfishing. There are 8 year old children committing suicide because of bullies. The Bullies have not only made a comeback but taken over. Some children are vicious just for fun and there's an app for it all to be on display for the whole wide world!!
STOP!!
Breathe.
It's harder to deal with when we dwell on all the bad. I may not always be able to swoop in and knock someone out but I can stay up to date and aware of as much as possible. This is the part where "being God" aka 007 kicks in and it starts at home.
Being your child's best friend is the best thing you can ever do.
*pause for everyone that just lost their mind and said WHAT!? HELL NO!...that was kinda loud*
As soon as anyone mentions being friends with a child they think the worst and that's because most people are doing it wrong. They miss the whole piece of the pie that says "I Am God" or for the less dramatic "In Control." Children tend to do most of what a parent shows them. So show them what a best friend really is! Best friends are not just fun...they're caring, responsible, well mannered and loyal. Most importantly a best friend accepts them for who they are and encourages them to be the best of themselves. I saw a meme I absolutely love, it said "Be the person you needed when you were a kid." I needed an older best friend. My mom was cool but had a different parenting style so sometimes telling her everything wasn't the move. So with my daughter I've done my best to build an open relationship with a few different things. First, by being translucent so she knows I was actually a small human being with the same issues before she chose me to be her Mom. Ooo Shocker!!
Second, I learned the art of conversation. Children are great at shutting a conversation down in 5 words or less. That is why I make sure I know as much or more than they do, especially about school and ask open ended questions.
Third, with the exception of bad behavior and certain extremes, No Judgement. Try to understand before you criticize. Many times parents forget that kids are trying to figure out the world, themselves, other people and that takes time. We also forget that we don't know what they will remember when they grow up. So if you're always telling them they're not good enough, negatively questioning their every move and focus on the negative things they do...when they grow up its possible they will be on a therapists couch for an hour trying to convince themselves their life is worth something.
Establishing trust and respect like best friends is priceless. My Dad promised me when I was a kid that he would always be my Dad first but we would be best friends as I got older and it is the same promise I made to Divine.
Once I got that down pat I switched to 007 mode for the technology because there's an app for every damn thing. I make sure I have apps and emails for school of course. I check and email at very least once a week.
But Divine is social now so she wants SnapChat, she wants Musicly, she wants Skype...blah blah blah...because all her friends have it. Well, Google is your friend. (or whatever parental control platform you choose) I love Google because it's already default for our phones so everything is linked. Yes of course she has her privacy but at least twice a month...Damn That. She knows that I am capable but she never knows when and the rule is if I ever say hand the phone over, she does so, no questions asked. I also never tell her what I know unless its absolutely needed for her well being.
Too many times I've seen these horrible stories where parents know nothing, the child feels betrayed and the parents thought they knew their child so well but the basic foundation was never there. Or the parents have decided that being best friends with their child includes a complete and utter lack of respect and rules.
If you are one of those "parents", please know that I am one of those parents that happily disciplines other people's children.
As I teach Divine, I will let go and I fully anticipate her figuring out that there are times I knew but let her handle it. But for now she doesn't see "the hand of God" unless its necessary and not until shes a full grown Goddess herself.
That's really the key to it all. My daughter is my best friend and a Goddess, just like her Mom.
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